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January 24th, 2007

An Early Trip Through the Cemetery @ 07:23 pm

One of the things that I absolutely hate to discuss is growing older. I am sure there are others out there that can sympathize with my nervousness with this subject. It is not that I think that I am old at all. But whenever the subject of aging comes up, I can’t help but start to think about my long term goals. It is inevitable. It is just like “The Game” (which I just lost). I have made mental connections with discussion about development with contemplation of my life goals, the same as whenever I hear the beginning power chords of the song “Scotty Doesn’t Know,” I instantly picture my friend Dru laughing at me for losing “The Game.” Also, if you don’t quite understand what I am talking about, count yourself very lucky.

Today I was sitting in class and we were talking about growth and development. Just going to class, I already knew that I was going to leave either depressed or feeling the need to go get a walker. And just like alcoholics are drawn to a free beer night at the local bar, the thoughts about my goals started to pour in. I knew that this was going to happen and I almost skipped class. In the end though, I decided that I could deal with feeling old for a little while as long as it helped me to pass this class.

Now I am sure that someone is confused how looking at my life goals makes me feel old. Well, just the fact that I actually have life goals makes me feel slightly responsible and that in and of itself kind of makes me feel old, but there is a lot more to it. But my thought process goes something along these lines:

I am 22. I am still in college. I should have graduated already. Or at the very least be about to graduate. Everyone graduates around 21 or 22. But no, I screwed around with changing majors and such and now I am not going to graduate for another two years. Two years. That will make me 24. Wow. 24. A year after that I will get that great discount on my car insurance and won’t have to dread calling rental car agencies anymore. So yeah, 24. So at that point I get a job and go somewhere. And I really want to get a job with a traveling nursing firm but those positions can be really hard to get without at least two years of experience. Okay. So by that time I will be 26. Oh man. So this continues on for another five minutes and I go from being a wonderful 22 year old with my whole life ahead of me and then suddenly I am over fifty, with arthritis in every part of me and trying to look up Jack Kevorkian’s phone number.

I just feel like I am somehow getting a late start on my life. All because I just two years behind where I feel that the rest of the world is. But really, in the end, what is two years right? Well ask me that when I am 48. At that point I will be two years from being 50 and those two years will seem like nothing I am sure.

I guess I am just nervous about growing up too fast. And now that I think about it, there is no real chance of that happening, is there? I mean for serious, I am never growing up. I am never going to have to worry about a mid-life crisis as I will never mentally get to mid-life. I will stay youthful forever I guess. And just waste my days away having fun. Wow I feel better already. Maybe there was an upside to thinking about my life goals for a little while. Now if only I could figure out some way of figuring out how to forget all about “The Game” all my problems would be solved.
 
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Comments

 
From:moonjumping
Date:January 25th, 2007 01:46 am (UTC)
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1) wtf IS "the game"?

2) life expectancy is amazing now, you'll live to 110. i mean, look at the professor on futurama.
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From:4nu815
Date:January 25th, 2007 01:51 am (UTC)
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1) Please don't ask. I don't want to ruin your life.

2) As soon as I hit 60, I am throwing myself out of a perfectly good airplane... and either no opening or not having a parachute.
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From:ladykinbote
Date:January 25th, 2007 09:34 pm (UTC)
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>_> Do I know about "The Game"? Do I want to?

I don't think two years is a ridiculously late start on Real Life. A bunch of the kids I know never graduated at all, or did graduate but dicked around for a few years afterwards. I'm really proud of you for kinda buckling down about it recently, though.

And I'm working towards cures for arthritis & rheumatism one semicolon at a time. By the time you're old enough for your joints to start swelling, it might not even be an issue. I'll keep you updated.
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From:4nu815
Date:January 25th, 2007 09:43 pm (UTC)
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You really don't want to know about the game. It ruins your life. Or at least, I think it does.

And I was just kind of spazzing about life and time and stuff. I know two years isn't that big of a deal. I just don't want to be a grown up. And the further into my 20's I get, the more I feel that I am going to have to start behaving like one soon and I don't wanna.

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